When Naps Are Nonnegotiable

It's hard to get across the concept of cancer-treatment fatigue - the profound and overwhelming feeling of Oh My God I Couldn't Possibly Keep My Body Going One More Second. Fortunately, we have Dana Jennings to help explain it. I'm reminded of my incredibly slow neighborhood ambles, the countless hours logged drooling on the pillow, and the cruel joke of insomnia. Hats off to him for capturing it so well. Here's a snippet:

At home, I had to accept that my fatigue was in charge. Mornings were especially slow as I creaked and winced out of bed. I felt like an old car that needed to have its crankcase oil heated before it would start.

I soon learned that just shuffling around the block can be draining, that there’s power in the spontaneous nap, and that you need to set strict visiting hours. Your fatigue – your body – needs what it needs.

But just because you’re spent, it doesn’t mean you can sleep at night. I became buddies with the sleep that isn’t sleep, staked to my bed by pain and anxiety. No matter where I tucked the pillows, I couldn’t get comfortable. No matter how good the music murmuring from the CD player, I couldn’t be soothed.

Even now, a month after my last radiation session, the fatigue still swells late in the afternoon and breaks over me. When 5 o’clock rolls around I’m more zombie than employee. I’m in bed by 10 most nights. And weekend naps are nonnegotiable.